5 minutes and never a title

Today is the 11th of January 2010.

My wife is going to go for medical checkup tomorrow at the Klinik Kesihatan. Gonna get her tummy scanned tomorrow. Hopefully,..just hopefully she remembers to take a pic of it. She already went scanned 2 times before and both of the times she could only "tell" me of it. I'd rather she "showed" it. But enough complaining I guess. At least I know that it's there and it's growing fine.

I think she more or less in her 10th-11th week of pregnancy. Not sure on the exact date though (it's not like I keep track of these things).

Work sucks <- or at least I think it is. Actually though it does not. Things are getting interesting I guess, with me being given responsibilities that I in all honesty do not know how to handle. But fun I guess - coz it's new stuff. But 2 years of employment is fast approaching - and with that also comes the 3 months notice period. Not a welcoming thought I said to myself. Plus the Malay population in the company seems to decreasing in a short notice. With all the massive amount of staff that we're getting - I'm surprised that almost all of them are non-Malays. Not to say that I disagree, perhaps there weren't any Malay who applied for the vacancy in the first place eh, who knows.

Everybody seems to be resigning these days. My coolest office buddy left a year ago (okay fine, i guess he doesn't count), my 2nd coolest buddy left in the last 2 week, and later this year more Malays are going out the office. It's like everyone is abandoning this ship all of a sudden. And surely I don't intend to be the last Malay standing. It's pretty depressing to be the last one there I can tell you that. As a person, I'm not a very talkative person. But I do enjoy talking crap with my Malay friends every now and then. A teh tarik session during the evenings - I miss those days.

So what does happen when all the Malays are gone? You end up having to talk to everyone in Anglais. Not that it's a bad thing. It is after all, one of the reason I sent myself to work in an MNC. But then I was under the impression that everyone in the MNC would also talk in English - not Chinese. So you end up feeling like a loner in your own country. Geez, I might as well migrate to some foreign country and work there. I am soo not feeling the love at the moment.

But that wouldn't be the main reason now mind you. It's A reason, but not the main one. The main one I guess would be the growth factor. I've been here for quite some time now and it feels like at times that I am not adding much value to my self. My value is like a constant - I'm neither good, nor bad. Just right there smack in the middle of nowhere - in limbo. Maybe I need to take some time off to go do some studying. I know I'd like that very much, if they can provide such a thing. Send me on some training or sorts, that sure would be nice.

But no, I guess they rather not do so for the time being. So the only thing for me to so is to change the environment myself.

I don't like feeling stupid. The fear of feeling stupid actually makes me WANT to study more. And here in my current company, I'm feeling kinda stupid. I mainly contribute that to my degree which is totally different from what I'm doing right now. But in any case, to feel smarter would require time to study - and time is just something that I don't seem to have enough of these days.

I'm not sure how this is going to pan out later. Maybe I'll take sometime off after I'm done with this project. Do some studying in some mountain somewhere - get smart again. Or maybe I'll just take my chances elsewhere. I might get back to the same predicament I suppose, but I'll sure as hell make an extra bucks there than here :)

In any case - in the long run, studying at home is still the way to go I suppose. In which if that is to be the case, I should get a job that is really 9am-5pm, so that my afterwork-hours can really be spent on some quality studying time instead of doing work-after-hours.

Okay, enough ranting. Time to do some reading. G'Night.

The below is a post dated 29.11.2009
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Just a couple of days back, whilst getting ready to go to work - my wife suddenly yelled out to me.

"Abang. 2 line.."

And I thought to myself, "Ooo..OK..", without knowing what it really meant. I was like - umm..maybe it's negative again. Life goes on I guess. Try and try again..

"Sini jap bang..tengok ni.."

And she then walks closer, bringing along the test kit box so that I could actually see what 2 lines actually meant - positive.

And how in the world are you supposed to react to that.

I mean..WOW!

But of course lah - in actuality, I didn't over react or anything like that. Actually it was more like OK, your wife is pregnant - nice. Now where did I put my socks again?

I guess the news didn't really sink into my head at the moment. Takes a couple of minutes more for it to be digested.

As I went off to go to work - the news then really hit me. And I was like..."hmm..and now I have a kid". I grinned and smiled and the mind starts to ponder on how great this news is. But I was also at the same time kinda afraid - afraid of that 9 months journey.

A lot of things can happen in 9 months. All of sudden those news of accidents and miscarriages doesn't seem that insignificant anymore. It now serves as a reminder to you and your family. It now seems more important and screams out "DAMN IT, READ ME YOU IDIOT! I DEMAND ATTENTION!!".

As of today, she has taken the test 3 times already. So far all the test kits points out to the obvious - positive. For now it's a secret though - she doesn't intend to do a tell-all just yet. So for those who might be reading this, your discretion is very much appreciated. We'll let others know when we are ready. For now, please keep the news to yourselves.

Tomorrow - or rather later today, she'll be going for her first medical checkup at the Salak Tinggi's Klinik Kesihatan. If everything goes out smoothly, she'll get the necessary supplements and what not.

As for me - I guess it's time to start saving some money for her delivery and the kid's future.

Life sure is interesting. Even more so when you are given the 'amanah' to take care of a life other than your own.

Insyaallah.