Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
As of recent, I often read FB statuses of my friends lamenting that given the choice; they really wish that they could quit their day job, stay at home and look after their kids.
As a husband who's fortunate enough to be able to let his wife do exactly that, I thought I'd share a word or two on the subject. An op-ed piece if you will.
1. Can you afford it? Since your husband will be the sole breadwinner of the family, ensure that his salary can accommodate your family's monthly commitment. This means making some significant lifestyle changes along the way as you guys are now earning much less than previously.
2. Plan for the what-ifs. Going back on my first point, your husband is now the family's sole breadwinner. That means if he's dead (I'm very blunt like that...) , you (and your kids) will lose your only source of income. How prepared are you for that? Assuming that you're not from a very well-off family, this means that you'll be getting yourself in some deep, inescapable shithole. Reflect on that. Hence, ensure that your main source of income (aka your husband) has a nice fat life insurance policy to ensure your family's survival if he's no longer able to work or earn as much as he normally does. Reinvest his insured sum so that you could get a continuous flow of income every year.
3. Learn how to cook. This goes a long way in cutting down the monthly expenses. Especially in these post-GST days.
4. Learn how to educate. Tuition fees cost a lot these days, so it'd be great if you could cover some of that by yourself. Instead of sending your kids to that premium kindergarten, maybe you could (actually you really should) try teaching them the basics at home instead. Make use of online teaching materials. Maybe you could teach your daughter piano yourself by self-learning about it from YouTube (If you're up for it - maybe you could even home-school your kids. There are some communities here in Malaysia that does this, but it hasn't really taken up traction yet).
5. Learn to manage the household. Let go of that maid. You probably don't need her to begin with.
6. You will have no social life. Well I don't really mean that in a significant, literal sense. But you will tend to miss your lunch buddies a lot. The banter at the office. The occasional trips to the mamaks. The simple things in life. What you'll have instead is a banter with a 4 year old, an ad-hoc meals whenever time permits you to, and occasionally you'll be lucky enough to be able spend some quality time, by yourself, in the toilet. Try to absorb that fact. Such is your life.
7. You will get to enjoy the finer things in life. The previous point being said, you will now be able to see the other side of life you didn't get to enjoy before. Waking up late by your newborn son and seeing how he would start to wake up at the break of dawn. That first roll-over. That first wobbly steps. The creative side of your daughter. The smart-ass questions. That moment where you all just lay on the lawn and just do nothing but look at the clear blue sky..(ok..I'm exaggerating a bit here - KL's sky is never THAT blue to begin with)
8. Get a hobby. I've always thought of the brain as a very awesomely powerful tool. As we get older however, it will get rusty. Since you're no longer at work, your will find that your brain is going to get stimulated lesser and lesser every single day. From experience I know that I often feel sleepy when I'm babysitting the kids, and I realized that this is actually due to my mind not being stimulated enough to be able to stay awake (probably I'm not wired for these stuff). And that is just for a couple of hours. Imagine doing this 24 by 7, 365 days a year. So to me, mental stimulation is very crucial. Learn a new language. Maybe sewing. Build your own cabinet? - why not. Get a masters degree - even better (smarter parents make smarter kids - no?)
9. Of morality and ethics. I think one of the main reason that convinced me that this was the way to go is the fact that I've became unconvinced that the school system or society as whole would be able to teach my kids the importance of having good moral values (so maaayybbeee social media is partly responsible in overblowing this fact - but I'm still a concerned parent. Especially when you have a daughter - take that concern and multiply it by a million). To form a good country, you need a good society. To have that, you need good citizens. Maids don't have any obligation to nurture good citizens. They're obligated to clean up your house, but they don't really need to ensure that your kids behave at home or teach them how to properly interact with elders. It's just not part of their KPI. At some point in the past, teachers were empowered to do this (but sadly not now anymore). So I suppose I felt compelled to get back to the basics, nurturing morality from the home (as it should be). And to do this, thus, someone needs to stay at home. Someone needs to be that role model and show them what is good and what is not, how to talk and what not to do. It all seems fairly simple and it actually really is. It's just that it is a very time consuming process (hint: it never ends) - which lead some parents to tend to outsource this aspect of life lessons to a third party. Kids learn by repetition, and there'll need to be someone to do the enforcing and encouraging. This someone hence - in my very fortunate case - is my wife.
10. Challenges. Of course there will be people who disagrees with you. You're basically cutting your earning power in half. You're putting yourself at risk if your significant other leaves you. You'll be left less empowered than now when you have a secure, day job. They are all valid concerns and you will need to be able to address them rationally and confidently, or you'll be asking the same questions later to yourselves. The people highlighting these concerns are not being negative for the sake of being negative - they're concerned because they care, so you should too. Go through with them what your plan is and how they think you could get there. Maybe they think that it shouldn't be done too soon and you need to do some preparation first. Something is better than nothing. Involvement in decision making sometimes ensures the acceptance of your idea.
I am not really an advocate of stay-at-home moms or anything. While I think that it has its merits, different people have to deal with different life circumstances so my thoughts and opinions are I suppose strictly limited to my family. For those who's yet to make the jump, I bid you all the best in your journey. For those who'll not, I'm sure you have some good plans of your own to raise your family. At the end of the day, we're all parents who wants the best possible outcome for our children.
*Update* While it's easy for one to say or come to a conclusion that one wants to be a stay-at-home-mom, one also needs to realize the responsibility that comes with that. Your role (the one that stays at home) effectively will now be more supportive rather than leading (or co-lead, as some feminists would probably put it). Reflect on this. Understand what this means. If you can't, among others - it means that your husband might be compelled to work late into the nights to get that promotion, it means that he might be pursuing that certificate or postgraduate degree to enable him to climb that ladder quicker - and that would mean that you, needs to take care of the kids more and probably during the weekends as well. His sole focus would be to ensure that your family would be financially stable and if he's ambitious, he would still want to retire early and enjoy life during both of your golden age. That would mean he'll work even harder (since he's doing it alone now) to accumulate the necessary wealth to enable him to do that within his planned timeline. On your side, you'll need to shift your focus on the kids, nurturing them and providing the necessary attention that they deserve. I'm not saying or claiming that the breadwinner would be entitled to simply ignore you and the kids and just focus on his/her career - on the contrary I'm just trying to state the potential things that might occur along the way and how as a family, role and responsibility will change and expectations need to be amended accordingly (so that you don't keep on clinging to that what-ifs).
*Update* While it's easy for one to say or come to a conclusion that one wants to be a stay-at-home-mom, one also needs to realize the responsibility that comes with that. Your role (the one that stays at home) effectively will now be more supportive rather than leading (or co-lead, as some feminists would probably put it). Reflect on this. Understand what this means. If you can't, among others - it means that your husband might be compelled to work late into the nights to get that promotion, it means that he might be pursuing that certificate or postgraduate degree to enable him to climb that ladder quicker - and that would mean that you, needs to take care of the kids more and probably during the weekends as well. His sole focus would be to ensure that your family would be financially stable and if he's ambitious, he would still want to retire early and enjoy life during both of your golden age. That would mean he'll work even harder (since he's doing it alone now) to accumulate the necessary wealth to enable him to do that within his planned timeline. On your side, you'll need to shift your focus on the kids, nurturing them and providing the necessary attention that they deserve. I'm not saying or claiming that the breadwinner would be entitled to simply ignore you and the kids and just focus on his/her career - on the contrary I'm just trying to state the potential things that might occur along the way and how as a family, role and responsibility will change and expectations need to be amended accordingly (so that you don't keep on clinging to that what-ifs).
Guess it's been awhile (a long while) since my last post.
In case you couldn't tell (judging from the time I'm posting this blog) - I'm having trouble to sleep right now. So why not blog eh?
Just wow..it has been years since my last post.
A lot have happened in between.
A lot.
I probably wouldn't have time to fill in the gaps even if wanted too. Will probably try. Probably be in vain though.
Becoming a parent.
I've recently been blessed with a 2nd child - a son now. We've named him Alaa Mujahid, after one of our favourite speaker/motivator/cleric Sheikh Alaa Elsayed and Mujahid..well that one came from my wife since she's fond of that name.
So a pair - Alhamdulillah.
A lot more work now I suppose. :)
In case you couldn't tell (judging from the time I'm posting this blog) - I'm having trouble to sleep right now. So why not blog eh?
Just wow..it has been years since my last post.
A lot have happened in between.
A lot.
I probably wouldn't have time to fill in the gaps even if wanted too. Will probably try. Probably be in vain though.
Becoming a parent.
I've recently been blessed with a 2nd child - a son now. We've named him Alaa Mujahid, after one of our favourite speaker/motivator/cleric Sheikh Alaa Elsayed and Mujahid..well that one came from my wife since she's fond of that name.
So a pair - Alhamdulillah.
A lot more work now I suppose. :)
Work
It's been good. Sometimes great. Sometimes well..not-so great. After spending almost 3 years in Comptel - I will finally be leaving them. Hopefully the experience will be as good if not better. Can't say that I'm not worried about the prospect of leaving my comfort zone - I am. I really am. But one can't, or must not, dwell too much in the comfort zone. Especially when one is as young I am. There are still much to see out there. Still many perspective and viewpoints to see from. To limit myself to just one will mean that I am actually holding myself back to view the world and its challenges.
It's the money. It's the knowledge. It's the experience. It's a little bit here and there. Hijrah tu penting. Ibarat air, kalau duduk setempat je lame2, busukla air tu. Macam lopak. Jadi sekali sekala kenalah mengalir, ubah persepsi dan cabar diri sendiri. Barulah minda tak kontang, akal berkembang.
Buntalbeads
The website recently went through some major layout revamp. It looks better now I suppose. Looks sleeker and more professional. Not that it matter much (it does to me though - I always love a neat and clean design) since we're not running the business that seriously. I guess in the end - we never really thought of the business as our actual source of income - it's just something that we do to learn, have fun, and get some cash along the way.
Personally, for me at least, it feels rewarding to actually have someone else buying stuff from you. More so when you are selling something that you deeply believe in. Bean bags. I love bean bags. That's why I enjoy selling them I suppose. Even more so when they (the bean bags) are quite hard to find (cheap) in Malaysia.
There are exceptions of course - some lowyat forumers have been selling them at quite a reasonable price before we started the biz. So kudos to them for bringing a great product to the masses (or other forumers). Not sure about the quality though. That's why we started ours. :)
I am at times tempted to post a [WTS] topic in there (Lowyat forum) as well - you know to get more sales in. But the thing is, if there were too many demand to be met with so little resources to supply it - chances are we will no longer have fun and get the same satisfaction as we previous did. It will tire and bore us and the business would probably die as a result. Hypothetically speaking of course. Thus (for now at least) we'll just depend on good 'ol facebook and friend's recommendation as the mean to expand our reach.
It hasn't been easy down in the production line. With Safiyya constantly demanding attention from her mom - actual work can only be done late at night when Safiyya is asleep. Hence again why we prefer not to have a lot of customers (not a good business model there - i know).
Life
I'll be missing Comptel I can tell you that. It gave me a lot - and hopefully I've done my dues while I was there. Apart from that - the bank loan process seems to be going rather smoothly (okla sikit..), so hopefully I'd be able to move in to our new house soon. Yippee~
On to the next adventure!
p/s: Happy CNY '11 to those celebrating :)
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Finally.
I officially became a dad last Sunday on the 25th of July 2010. The time was 4:16pm. I was waiting outside the operating theater - rather restless - waiting for any news from the inside.
Earlier that day, the doctor had given my wife some kind of fluid to help induce her contraction.
It wasn't a pretty sight, trust me. Over 5 long, painful and agonizing hours - her opening has just increased by probably a single cm. The nurse told us that she probably had a thick servic (if that is how you spell it). So I've decided to hell with trying to go via the normal procedure and just bring on the caesarian. Personally and I don't think my wife can take this amount of pain any longer. It hurts her - and me.
"Ya Allah selamatkanlah kedua isteri dan anak ku". Silently I waited and prayed outside. You could say that it was one of those moments where the clock seems to somehow tick real slow and a second could seem like a lifetime.
I was all by myself in the waiting room. Sitting in some beat-up couch - looking to my left and right, but mostly towards the door of the O.T. "What's taking them so long?" I pondered on.
Earlier the nurse had said that the c sect procedure would normally take around 15 minutes for the baby, and another 1 hour for the mother. It's been nearly 30 minutes past 4pm, I haven't heard anything from inside yet. 30 minutes - is not how long it would normally take. The mind games had begun.
Somewhere, in a distant place, I could hear a flat tone slowly ringing - like those flat lines sounds you hear when the heart is no longer beating. I wasn't sure whether the sound i heard was just me or whether it's real - but it did gave my head some severe headache and my heart went on an emotional roller-coaster.
At that moment I could never imagine living without my significant other. I'd probably quit my day job and put myself into an oil rig or off into some ship somewhere - somewhere far away from here to forget all about my previous life and start again from zero.
As my eyes starts to swell, I could feel the tears were just waiting for me to give the go-ahead.
And then the cleaner came. Talk about an anti-climax moment.
And I was like (while swearing and cursing inside) trying to control myself before the watergate opens up.
The cleaner sure took her sweet time cleaning the floor around the waiting room I can give you that.
Later that day I found out that the baby (girl) was safely delivered, and her mother was OK too. "Alhamdulillah" - I thought to myself.
That pretty much sums up my first waiting-for-your-wife-to-deliver experience.
Quietly, on some nights - I realize that this baby - this little bundle of joy of mine is going to grow up someday. She's gonna learn to walk, go to school, go to some college and probably meet up with some guy that would probably sweep her off her feet and they'll get married and live happily.
By then though ... she would no longer be our little girl ... she would no longer need me to carry her around ... she would no longer need me to feed her ... change her diaper ... give her that nudge so that she burps after she drinks milk.
...
...
...
Right now thinking about her growing up and be independent and lead her own life somehow brings sorrow to my heart. It aches deep. It aches long. It's like - it's like somehow I wish things could go on like this forever. Guess I kinda like having her being dependent on me. Guess I already miss my little girl.
To Mom...to Dad, know that I love you guys very much and if you need(or don't need) anything from me you guys just say the word and I'll make it happen.
To Safiyya Amani, dad loves you very much too.
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Safiyya strikes back!
Family
It has been more or less half a year since I got married. Today is Sunday, and I find myself lying lazily on the IKEA rug and slowly thinking of stuff to write in this blog. It has been quite awhile since I spoil myself with endless, non-thought provoking ranting. It's hard to find the time to those things nowadays. It's hard to find the time to do the things you like doing once you got married. You can quote me on that. But thats life I suppose.
Luckily I was able to indulge in a Godfather marathon these last few days. Owh dah lame gile rasenye tak tengok movies back-to-back. Brings back sweet memories of my college days :) .
Yesterday me and my wife did a lil' spring cleaning - dah nak raye la katekan. At first we had this long list of things that we planned on doing. But half-way through I guess we checked in back to Reality hotel and realized that "pergh..penat gile..rase nak tido je..". My wife did sleep half-way through the chores. Couldn't say I was not tempted as well, but work is work and there's a lot of it that needs doing. So on I went. Below are some pics on that day.
This is not me doing push-ups against the wall, although it does look like that I suppose. Actually that would be me fixing the wirethat is coming in down from the attic onto the wall so that we could have a new power socket on this side of the wall of our house. We were planning on rearranging the TV set closer to the dining table so we could all enjoy Shin-Chan during berbuka. Hehe :)
This is my wife painting our wooden dining chair so that it would brand-new. Hopefully it would fool the people that would come to our house during Raya. Hopefully they are not reading this blog. Out of the four sets of chair that we have she only managed to paint 1.5 so far. I guess that's better than nothing. Currently we are waiting for the paint to dry off.
Finally the result. Ok la kot. Nampak spacious sket. Following this we were thinking of adding some bean bags in front of the TV. Current plan is that I would be buying the bean bags from - my wife. She's already identifying the "beans" supplier and one of them in fact is actually based in near Monterez Golf Club. For the fabric, maybe we'll go have a look at Fella or IKEA or just Nilai. Not sure how much I'm suppose to pay for those though. Comptel ade kasi bonus raya tak agaknye. Hurm.. Today I got to play wedding photographer for my sis-in-law wedding.
Gotta admit, I was having fun out there. Though tiring - it was an interesting experience I must say.
Hence following that, I guess I'll be returning back the D90 that abah lend me. It was good while it lasted. Learned quite a bit on how to use a DSLR, about the type of lenses available etc etc. Might encourage me to get one of my own later too perhaps. But that will have to wait I guess. Wait till I can get other important things sorted out first.
For those who has my facebook, more pics is available there.
Selamat pengantin baru A'tiq n Batul :)
{Updated: 30/6/09} Here the link to some edited pics that I managed to conjure up so far
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| Maryam's Wedding - Part 1 |
Last weekend we spent the night at Abah's, for some dinner and get together. It was quite awhile since I spent a night there - if i'm not mistaken.
Me and my sis bought dad a BVLGRI (if I got that right) perfume (owh, just remembered that I hadn't paid her yet..hahaha). It was not much - but hey, better something than nothing.
Mom cooked us udang masak lemak. Quite sometime since I had one of those big udangs. Got to control on my seafood intake though. Else I'll get bubbles on my fingers again. It had been awhile since i had those too - but better be safe eh.
Watching Aqeel and Aqilah play around the living room and wrecking havoc the whole night was really something. The next generation. Time really flies when you least expect them to. I guess it's their time now. Feeling older now I guess. I guess you really can't be young forever (don't give me that cliched young at heart thing :P )
Thanks abah for all the lessons, the tali pinggang, the pokok betik, the lectures, and the rest of the stuff. I'll make sure my kids will get some of those as well - hehe...
Happy father's day abah.
Tonight, will be my first night sleeping alone for quite some time now. My wife is currently in Port Dickson, dozing off at some hotel with her netball friends. These couple of days she's been going out for netball practice every evening at MIAT, which is good for her I should say - I do envy her at times. It's not everyday that you get a chance to break out a sweat nowadays.
So tonight I have the house all to myself. But it does get a bit dull - it's too damn quiet, nothing to spice up the atmosphere. Owh well.
In any case, lets just move on to other things (before I get all mushy and break a tear now..)
Life in Salak Tinggi is quite OK I guess, judging from what I've seen this couple of weeks. We've got the usual shops, some neat facilities (which includes a mini stadium nearby, and if I'm not mistaken there's also a pool at Putrajaya which is just a few clicks away), and mos importantly - no traffic jam. If only my office is relocated to Putrajaya, then that would've been awesome.
Sad thing is when your house is like a kajillion miles away from office is that now you can't go on waking up THAT late anymore. But kinda think of it, I still do wake up late. Hurm...I guess I don't have a point there. Hehe.
My house now looks more like a home. Took long enough.
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the livingroom. i LOVE that couch!
the "study room",..if you can call it that...jpg)
the kitchen (courtesy of mom and dad :).jpg)
and my dinner, fish fillet prepared with italian herbs and olive oil,with a little salad leaves on the side, and some thai sauce.
served with cool apple juice. a healthy diet i must say.
OK, so it's not much, but considering that we're still considered newlyweds and been in the workforce for less than a year, I guess it's not half bad eyh? Lucky even, if I kind of think of it. Well, from now onwards we're gonna have to be cut back on the spending and start on the savings - I do think that I've been slacking off this couple of months in that deparment.
Worklife
=======
Late last week I had the opportunity to join a training conducted at Kelana Jaya by Mikko Koskinen, a trainer from Upknowledge (some finnish company). The training was basically about an overview of the whole telecommunication network, intended to teach us "programmers" on how the telco world works and familiarize us with all the jargons and technologies currently available and those that are still under development.
I have to admit, coming from where I came from, I was really interested to hear what he has to preach - since I myself am quite curious to learn how it all was interconnected in the end.
SGSN is used in the packet switch core network, while MSC is used in the circuit switch core network. During the presentation, I find myself at times asking why in the world did join Comptel in the first place, thinking I might be much more happier working in the packet core network - putting my CCNA skills to the test. Actually, kind to think of it, I DO would like to jump should he opportunity presents itself - if only that job could match or be higher than my current salary.
But money is not all there is to it, is it now. Now that I'm married, job security has to considered as well.
I recall today's Friday prayer sermon, the khatib mentioned something about those who keeps asking for more money would never feel that he has enough money, but those who appreciate what he has, would always feel that he has enough (aka happier).
That one kinda hit the spot right there.
My manager meanwhile advices that it is better that I focus on doing what is at hand, and do it good; instead of busy thinking about what is to come and preparing for the future that much. She thinks that if you do your job good enough, you'll eventually be set for the future.
There is some truth there I guess.
These days I find myself not being up to par compared to what I was like a couple of months back (aka before the marriage). My work currently is almost all the time "just enough" and never "exceeding expectations", or at least it does not exceed my expectations. Talk about having low self esteem huh. Dang.
If only I got enough time in my hands.
Worklife
=======
Late last week I had the opportunity to join a training conducted at Kelana Jaya by Mikko Koskinen, a trainer from Upknowledge (some finnish company). The training was basically about an overview of the whole telecommunication network, intended to teach us "programmers" on how the telco world works and familiarize us with all the jargons and technologies currently available and those that are still under development.
I have to admit, coming from where I came from, I was really interested to hear what he has to preach - since I myself am quite curious to learn how it all was interconnected in the end.
SGSN is used in the packet switch core network, while MSC is used in the circuit switch core network. During the presentation, I find myself at times asking why in the world did join Comptel in the first place, thinking I might be much more happier working in the packet core network - putting my CCNA skills to the test. Actually, kind to think of it, I DO would like to jump should he opportunity presents itself - if only that job could match or be higher than my current salary.
But money is not all there is to it, is it now. Now that I'm married, job security has to considered as well.
I recall today's Friday prayer sermon, the khatib mentioned something about those who keeps asking for more money would never feel that he has enough money, but those who appreciate what he has, would always feel that he has enough (aka happier).
That one kinda hit the spot right there.
My manager meanwhile advices that it is better that I focus on doing what is at hand, and do it good; instead of busy thinking about what is to come and preparing for the future that much. She thinks that if you do your job good enough, you'll eventually be set for the future.
There is some truth there I guess.
These days I find myself not being up to par compared to what I was like a couple of months back (aka before the marriage). My work currently is almost all the time "just enough" and never "exceeding expectations", or at least it does not exceed my expectations. Talk about having low self esteem huh. Dang.
If only I got enough time in my hands.
Last Sunday alas I finally got to sit on my Ektorp couch. Waited a whole week for that. Found it at IKEA a couple of months back - and I've been setting my eyes on it ever since. It got that cozy look, and a nice cushion to go with it that simply screams "this a couch for you to sit your ass in and watch a movie!".
Along with it, came the rest of the furnitures for my new house in Sepang.
bersepah giler... 
time to build something...
awh..my couch in a box..
comes with few suprises too...
akhirnya da siap pun satu...
now this need a cover...
pasang meja plak. btul lah Ah Hoe cakap, kan elok kalo gune mesin skru jek. lenguh gile...
meja makan yg bakal dicat...
warrgghhh...abes dahWhat a weekend that was.
His awesome lawn of 'bonsai's!!!Today I went to my uncle's house..or to be technically correct - my extended grandfather's place. He's the brother of my grandma, and he's Chinese.
Happy Chinese New Year to him and his family.
Nenek and him having a chatHis lawn of bonsai's is perhaps the personification of the man he is; hardworking and patient. I hardly know the guy though, you know when you're young you tend to take these things for granted.
Got some ang pows too...hehe..three days worth of lunch. :)
Later that day my family (which includes my sister's family), went to Chilis for lunch. Frankly I'm not a big fan of the place (for obvious reasons), but since dad deem it fit for us to eat there, so...
Just had a fish and chips. I heard that the burgers there were awesome - but I guess I'm just not comfortable to try it out. In any case, here's a pic of my nephew trying to hit on the girl next door. Go Aqeel go!!
My uncle (the son of my atuk busu), which was posted in Libya as a diplomat - has passed away last Thursday due to a car accident.
Not sure on how it came to be, he was on his way to the airport to pick up some judge of a 'tilawah' event with his driver in the early morning. He sat at the back. According to my atuk busu, his ribs cage was broken. So my guess is he was not wearing his seat belt when it happened.
Currently his body is still there, waiting for some judge to sort out some formalities since he was a diplomat and all.
Al-fatihah.
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