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Finally.
I officially became a dad last Sunday on the 25th of July 2010. The time was 4:16pm. I was waiting outside the operating theater - rather restless - waiting for any news from the inside.
Earlier that day, the doctor had given my wife some kind of fluid to help induce her contraction.
It wasn't a pretty sight, trust me. Over 5 long, painful and agonizing hours - her opening has just increased by probably a single cm. The nurse told us that she probably had a thick servic (if that is how you spell it). So I've decided to hell with trying to go via the normal procedure and just bring on the caesarian. Personally and I don't think my wife can take this amount of pain any longer. It hurts her - and me.
"Ya Allah selamatkanlah kedua isteri dan anak ku". Silently I waited and prayed outside. You could say that it was one of those moments where the clock seems to somehow tick real slow and a second could seem like a lifetime.
I was all by myself in the waiting room. Sitting in some beat-up couch - looking to my left and right, but mostly towards the door of the O.T. "What's taking them so long?" I pondered on.
Earlier the nurse had said that the c sect procedure would normally take around 15 minutes for the baby, and another 1 hour for the mother. It's been nearly 30 minutes past 4pm, I haven't heard anything from inside yet. 30 minutes - is not how long it would normally take. The mind games had begun.
Somewhere, in a distant place, I could hear a flat tone slowly ringing - like those flat lines sounds you hear when the heart is no longer beating. I wasn't sure whether the sound i heard was just me or whether it's real - but it did gave my head some severe headache and my heart went on an emotional roller-coaster.
At that moment I could never imagine living without my significant other. I'd probably quit my day job and put myself into an oil rig or off into some ship somewhere - somewhere far away from here to forget all about my previous life and start again from zero.
As my eyes starts to swell, I could feel the tears were just waiting for me to give the go-ahead.
And then the cleaner came. Talk about an anti-climax moment.
And I was like (while swearing and cursing inside) trying to control myself before the watergate opens up.
The cleaner sure took her sweet time cleaning the floor around the waiting room I can give you that.
Later that day I found out that the baby (girl) was safely delivered, and her mother was OK too. "Alhamdulillah" - I thought to myself.
That pretty much sums up my first waiting-for-your-wife-to-deliver experience.
Quietly, on some nights - I realize that this baby - this little bundle of joy of mine is going to grow up someday. She's gonna learn to walk, go to school, go to some college and probably meet up with some guy that would probably sweep her off her feet and they'll get married and live happily.
By then though ... she would no longer be our little girl ... she would no longer need me to carry her around ... she would no longer need me to feed her ... change her diaper ... give her that nudge so that she burps after she drinks milk.
...
...
...
Right now thinking about her growing up and be independent and lead her own life somehow brings sorrow to my heart. It aches deep. It aches long. It's like - it's like somehow I wish things could go on like this forever. Guess I kinda like having her being dependent on me. Guess I already miss my little girl.
To Mom...to Dad, know that I love you guys very much and if you need(or don't need) anything from me you guys just say the word and I'll make it happen.
To Safiyya Amani, dad loves you very much too.
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Safiyya strikes back!
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tahniah!!
hi, safiyya ini auntie iYda ;)
you saying this, makes me miss mum n dad so much..and also u n sis. Take good care of safiyya, and also mum n dad on my part. :)
my mom & dad tak bagi kawin masa belajar, though i pujuk them hard enough. they never say why not. i guess reading your blog, i know why. last2 mak admitted, "We're just not ready to let you go yet. Anak perempuan ni, once they get married, we just have to let go..."
Ya Allah, sedih sgt2... what you're thinking of when safiyya is just 1 day-old... was my father thinking the same thing when i was 1 day-old.. and has the time come now to finally let go....of his first daughter... sebaknya...
To Kawan katul.
Your parents were probably thinking the same thing I guess.
That the thing with being a woman - tanggungjawab mereka selepas berkahwin adalah pada suami, bukan lagi pada ibu dan ayah. Jadi kalaulah si menantu tu bukan jenis yang understanding and decide to just run off with you - ibu dan ayah hanya mampu berdoa sj di rumah, menanti kepulangan "baby girl" tersayang. Mmg sedih. :(
That's just how life is I suppose. Having a kid in your life does put things into perspective, and making you appreciate the ones around you more.
Anyways - all the best to you and your marriage. Nasihatkanlah suami tu jgn la asik balik rumah belah die je, mak ayah you pun rindu nk belai you jugak. :)