5 minutes and never a title

Thursday, a day after the competition.

last nite was one helluva a nite. emotions ran high, as SIFE Uniten once again failed to get the ever elusive title of champion in the SIFE National Competition. after the announcement, the members can be seen cryin everywhere. Aza was like hopping from one shoulder to another, Adam was devastated, Zulia cried hard too, and Fahmi just went nuts..and eventually did the tawaf around the dining hall..(or so as i see it..didnt know where he went really..) As for me, i'm quite dissappointed too, i mean..who the hell doesn't wanna win right? but i was cool or manage to act like so, tried to cheer people up, joke a little..but to no avail...for obvious reason of course. Huda,..well she was tryin to cheer people up too..she kept her poker face all the way the way throughout the nite. As for me, maybe i lacked the passion these guys had...of the SIFE spirit as one would say it. It was a great experience nonetheless. Not to say that i like losing or anything..but it was...i mean there was a lot that you could then and there...how i like to analyze the human psyche..owh..

Tryin to understand how they feel..i went back in time when i did the flash presentation from my malaysian studies subject. for me..it was as gud as it gets and i honestly dont think that anybody could've done it better..with the videos, the albums, the report, the way we presented it..sleek and all..i'd say we went pretty much all out with tis one. But then rite there in the exam hall..while taking the MASB exam, en ariff had actually come up at me and told me he was quite dissatisfied with the assignment..and i was like, what the hell do i have to do to impress this guy..what more can i come up with to get an A for this subject? And then it hit me...the hurting feeling deep inside my heart..like a thorn buried nice and deep with no chance of gettin it out. So, enraged and confused..i went to his office and confronted him..in the hopes that in someway i could..enlighten him and present a better impression for our project at him.. He explained and blah blah blah..but for some reason the pain was still there..the discontent..He did however apologized for the way he broke the news out to me..like u don't go n tell people a bad news while he is takin an exam kinda mistake...at least i got that message across.

neways...back to the last nite situation, maybe if i had been there before, like Adam and Fahmi had been, perhaps i'd be goin nuts too. I frankly don't like being emotional and all..in those situation,..coz i can't think straight. so on i walked here and there, hearing what other people have to say, the tears, the broken dreams, the ever elusive victory..the unnattainable glory..

later that nite came a shocker. after a "sophisticated" argument held between Famie, Adam and Zul Saadon, the "truth" was finally revealed to the surface. the authenticity of this news is however..in my personal opinion, can be argued upon. so um just not too sure. but from what they had told me after,..during an impromptu meeting held at some mamak restaurant..it seems that the system, the judging system...from what i can conclude..does raise a few eyebrows here n there. do we have a solid proof? No. Does it raise any doubts? Hell yes. People just looove a gud conspiracy theory don't they?

Having doubts over the system was quite enuf to make me side with Adam and fahmi over the tehir idea of sending the "formal" complaint letter. Taking sides doesn't mean that i'm agreeing on all their terms..Aza, had some gud points too on the matter. She was like the yin of Adam's yang. Throughout the year i've known Aza, she tried her best to please everybody, taking others consideration into account when making her decisions. that..i realize, is quite a feat. since i'm not that good in inter relationships myself. she tries to see the situations from many angles, but mainly so that people..everyone, can be pleased. she was being...a malay. not that being a malay sucks or nething. but the usual..typical malay..is well..nice. so wats wrong wit being nice? nothing. she'd thought about the implications, what would happen if we did this..and so on..Adam on the other hand, just wanted the competition to be a fair playing ground, where one can feel gud even in losing.

A tiger, as always. If Adam was a tiger, then i'd say Fahmi was rather a tank. Once it has started moving, it was quite pointless to try and stop it. No offense though, just a figure of speech. there was this moment, it was a real joy to watch actually, though by me saying that people might be thinking now that um a jerk. neways here goes. fahmi was rambling on and on..telling us bout his thoughts on the matter at hand, when suddenly Zulia wanted to chip in and object to what Famie was sayin. the came the funny part(to me of course..i dunno bout the rest of u guys..perhaps i have a sick understanding of humour..). fahmi had actually raised his arm and like points his finger toward Zulia..intimidating her to back off and let him finish (u don't see those thing very often..hehe..i know..um sick..) I was like..owh fuck! this guy really had done it..he's on his afterburner..going all the way..and then i went like..."rileks...rileks.."..patting his back quite gently. hehehe..you really don't wanna mess with him at that time. It wasn't funny then of course..the oven...the vibe..it was really heatin up. If we were in the freezer, i think u'd see smoke coming out of his ears..hehe. But look at it tis way..say 20 years..nah..let us take just 2...2 years from now..after we are done with this sife thingamajig..we'd eb looking back at tis day and laugh at it...at how pathetic we were back then..myself included...sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit..

and then there was fairuz. from my point of view, his opinion, was the one i liked the most, as he was, taking the middle road of the argument. and along the way while telling us his thoughts,..he cracked. like a huge hammer had suddenly smacked him rite in the face...an emotional moment it was..even i was holding myself together..

it ended well of course, or i'd like to think that it ended well. never knew what other people were thinking coz last time i checked my name ain't charles xavier. it was another lesson on emotions. people do stupid, regrettable thing when they are not thinking straight..and emotions had that effect on people, especially me of course. that's why i hate getting myself involved in a heated argument..and also why i like to write my feelings down rather than saying them, it seems..wholesome..more thorough i suppose..

"SIFE Uniten is hot to go.."

well...we are one hot bunch indeed...